求托福批改——独立作文!In my point of view,I agree people can deal with a lot of difficulties because of the development of world.But it is not completely true to say that people can solve many problems so that they don't need government a

求托福批改——独立作文!In my point of view,I agree people can deal with a lot of difficulties because of the development of world.But it is not completely true to say that people can solve many problems so that they don't need government a
求托福批改——独立作文!
In my point of view,I agree people can deal with a lot of difficulties because of the development of world.But it is not completely true to say that people can solve many problems so that they don't need government any more.Individuals compound society,and they will meet huge amount of problems such as how to improve the quality of education and what can we do when we meet the economic problem.These issues people cannot handle without the government.
Firstly,individuals cannot deal with the problems of education.For instance,government can decide whether increase the salaries of teachers or not,but a common person can't,government also can make a law about children whose age under eighteen must go to school,the people can't either.There are also lots of aspects of education.The equipments of classrooms and the size of schools that we cannot solve without government.
Secondly,people don't have skills to evolve the issues of transportation.Let's think about how can we have a long-distant trip without airplane?How can we go to work without buses or cars?We cannot make an airplane or design the routes of buses by ourselves.We need government help us to make sure the schedule of trains and other things like this.Besides of these,when accidents happened,we need the policemen and doctors to make sure our safe life.They are charged of government.The basic equipments of city such as roads,bridges and road lights that government in charge of which we need as well.
Finally,people cannot control the wars with other countries.If other countries make a war with us,we cannot pay it back by ourselves.We need the government to claim our opinions,and call on citizens to fight with them.Individuals in growing of number are suffering the pain of losing parents,homeless,starving and dying that leaded from wars.No individuals can help them but government.
In a word,a growing numbers of people have so much money that can handle lots of problems and someone have talented skills so that can work out many of difficulties.But,people need government to help them deal with a lot of issues that individuals cannot handle.

求托福批改——独立作文!In my point of view,I agree people can deal with a lot of difficulties because of the development of world.But it is not completely true to say that people can solve many problems so that they don't need government a
1.第一段“ But it is not completely true to say that people can solve many problems so that they don't need government any more.”托福写作忌讳缩写,改为..they do not need..后文还有很多缩写,就不一一列举了.
2."These issues people cannot handle without the government.''这句话是病句.改为People cannot handle these issues without the government.
3.每段的衔接词太简单,改为In addition,What is more,等等
4.第二段“For instance,government can decide whether increase the salaries of teachers or not,”病句.从句缺主语.改为.decide whether it is necessary to increase the salarises...
5.,but a common person can't,government also can make a law about children whose age under eighteen must go to school,the people can't either.第一个句子后面应为句号.后面的是病句,.neither can people
5.第三段“long-distant trip”改为“long-distance trip
6." when accidents happened,we need the policemen and doctors to make sure our safe life."主句不用过去时,从句不用一般现在时.When accidents happen,we will need the.
7.第四段” make a war with us,“用词问题
8.总的来说,勉勉强强.但你的最大问题是表达不地道,表现在词组的搭配,用词的准确方面,导致中式英语问题,就不一一列举了.建议你多读些好的文章,背诵些好的表达,这样你的语感就好了.在写作的时候,尽可能用你读到过的句子,短语.不要随意造词,如Individuals compound society.很多